Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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