his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
