Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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