Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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