Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
