Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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