It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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