Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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