we have pet lesbian snakes
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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