Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
