ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
