My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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