yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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