I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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