Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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