I cockslap morals
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
