3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
