This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
