There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
