her vagine was all disorganized.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
