she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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