Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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