Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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