i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
