Can i not drive my cunt home
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
