just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
