I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
