Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
