I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
