I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
