you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
