just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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