def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
