guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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