garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
