The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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