Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
