so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
