the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
