I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
