I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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