Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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