Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You made out with two different species that night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
