answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
