Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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