Non-Jews are for practice
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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