i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
