This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
