'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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