The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
