I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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