Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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