So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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