It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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