Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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