The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
