I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
