it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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