I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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