If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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