found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
