Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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