I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
