Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize