I'm lost and stupid without you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this hospital has no fireball
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
