This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize