I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
