well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
