Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
